What I Wish Every Manager Knew About Giving Feedback

Feedback isn’t just a performance tool—it’s a growth tool.

As a former manager (and HRBP who has coached many others), I know firsthand it’s easy to lose sight of some of your most important “people-related” responsibilities as a leader. You’re juggling a million things—fires to put out, meetings to prepare for, shifting priorities—and feedback can start to feel like something you’ll get to once things settle down. In most organizations, that moment never really comes.

For some managers, it’s treated like something optional. Or worse—something to avoid unless things are going sideways. I've coached enough managers to know the pattern. They don’t want to skip feedback. They’re just unsure how to do it in a way that doesn’t come off as critical, awkward, or overly scripted. So they hold back. They wait for review season or hope the employee just…figures it out.

Here’s the fact I always come back to: You can’t develop someone you’re not actively giving feedback to. If you’re managing people, feedback isn’t a bonus skill—it’s a leadership muscle. And just like any muscle, it gets stronger when you use it (or weaker if you don’t).

Let’s talk about where feedback usually falls short—not because managers are bad leaders, but because no one ever taught them how to do this well.

Saving feedback for performance reviews

A performance review should never be a surprise party. If your direct report is walking into that conversation unsure of how they’re doing, the real problem isn’t their performance—it’s the lack of ongoing dialogue. Unfortunately, this is incredibly common. Leaders get busy. Conversations slip through the cracks. Or they assume, “No news is good news.”

Here’s the problem: when feedback is saved up for a big moment—once or twice a year—it feels high stakes, performative, and hard to digest. Employees walk away with a flood of info and no roadmap to improve.

Try this instead: Build a rhythm of low-stakes feedback.

Make it part of your regular 1:1s, project wrap-ups, or even quick Slack messages. It doesn’t need to be formal to be valuable. A simple “Hey, I noticed you handled that tough client conversation with a lot of poise—great job navigating the tension” goes a long way.

These small moments build trust, reinforce expectations, and make the big conversations feel like a continuation—not a confrontation. They invite the opportunity for continuous feedback, and notes from these smaller moments can show trends over time.

Only giving feedback when something’s wrong

If the only time you give a direct report feedback is when performance is slipping, then feedback becomes synonymous with criticism. And when feedback always feels negative, your team stops being open to it. 

They get defensive, discouraged, or they just start avoiding the conversation altogether. I’ve seen this play out across teams. Leaders assume people are “sensitive” or “not coachable,” but the real issue is that feedback isn’t being normalized or delivered effectively.

Try this instead: Make feedback part of the culture—not just a correction mechanism.

That means celebrating wins, pointing out what’s working, and giving positive reinforcement with the same level of intentionality as you would a performance concern. Not only does this help your team feel seen—it also teaches them what “good” looks like. And it opens the door for future growth conversations to land with more trust and less tension.

Watering down tough feedback to be “nice”

This is the one I see the most. A manager wants to address something, but they’re afraid of sounding too harsh. They soften it, over-explain, or bury the point under a sandwich of compliments.

The result? The message gets lost. The behavior doesn’t change and both sides walk away unclear on what happens next. When you’re too vague or overly polite, it doesn’t protect the employee, it just keeps them in the dark.

Try this instead: Focus on clarity + care.

Be direct about the behavior and the impact it had—but lead with the intention to support growth, not assign blame. Let’s say a team member dominates meetings and cuts off others. You don’t need to tiptoe.

For example, the feedback may look like: “Hey, in yesterday’s sync, I noticed you jumped in before Sarah finished her point. That’s something I’ve seen a few times, and I want to make sure we’re creating space for all voices. Let’s work on slowing down and checking in before jumping in.”

That’s honest, respectful and it gives the employee something they can actually act on.

A Simple Feedback Formula That Works Every Time

If you’re not sure where to begin, I always recommend this structure. It’s simple, effective, and it keeps you focused on what matters: Situation – Behavior – Impact – Forward Action

Here’s how it aligns with the example provided above:

“In today’s team meeting (situation), you cut in before Sarah finished her update (behavior). It made it tough to hear her point of view (impact). Let’s focus on creating more space for quieter voices going forward (forward action).”

This model works because it roots the feedback in facts (not feelings), shows why it matters, and gives a clear path forward. You’re not attacking the person—you’re naming a pattern and helping them improve.

You can also use this model for positive feedback:

“When you stepped in to support onboarding this week (situation), you gave really clear walkthroughs and tips for success (behavior). It helped our new hires feel informed and welcome (impact). That kind of ownership sets the tone for our whole team (forward reinforcement).”

Want Better Performance? Start With Better Conversations

Here’s what I tell every manager I coach: You can’t outsource employee growth.

It doesn’t come from the HR team, the performance cycle, or the L&D budget. It comes from you. Your employees want to grow. They want to know where they stand. They want to understand how to do better—not just to meet expectations, but to feel a sense of purpose and progress in their work.

Feedback is how you get there! Don’t wait. Don’t overthink it. Don’t aim for perfection—aim for honesty. The more consistent you are, the more trust you’ll build. And that trust? It becomes the foundation for performance, engagement, and retention.